tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2354157170669550622024-03-05T18:02:28.139-08:00Joy's words...... just a little glimpse into my heart as I journey with intention in this life; discovering who I am in Christ and searching my purpose as His child; as a daughter, mother and woman...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-76208676635750924162014-03-12T11:41:00.000-07:002014-03-12T11:41:15.653-07:00A farewell to my Aunt-friend...<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I can hardly recall a moment with my Aunt that I didn't cherish for so many reasons. She was a beautiful person... cheerful and sweet, caring and thoughtful. One of my earliest memories was prancing about her kitchen in her strappy white heels and a slip - my didn't I feel like a princess! She really was remarkable at making you feel valued and loved. She and I were penpals when I was 9 or 10 and we exchanged letters back and forth for several years. I am not sure she realized how special those made me feel... that she took the time to write me and respond to letters I sent her. Her smile and her soft eyes always seemed to invite you into an embrace, a heartfelt sharing of your life and a conversation that made you feel like you were the only one on the planet she was interested in, in that moment. Just a few months ago, she told me that "even though I was adopted, and not 'really' a blood relative, she always thought of me as one of the family; belonging". I never felt anything but. </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As I've grown up, our family times at the farm have been treasured times of laughter, music and fun. We would play games, do puzzles and play duets on the piano. Aunty Rita would put on the loveliest of spreads - full turkey dinners, pies and desserts, meat and cheese trays, crackers, olives! She was the best hostess! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When Uncle Omer died, I found myself drawn to her... we spent lovely afternoons sharing lunch, talking as women... as friends. She shared her heartaches, and drew me out of mine. She talked to me about her hopes and dreams, and I shared mine. We connected on a level I wouldn't have anticipated and it was a comfort to me and an unexpected blessing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As this past summer came to an end and autumn began, she was very ill. I considered it a privilege to visit her every other week for several months. She lit up when she saw me, she hugged me fiercely and cried on my shoulder. It was not a sign of weakness to me, but a sign of deep trust and friendship that we had cultivated. She was my friend. I loved her dearly. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sunday was our last visit. She didn't talk, and didn't open her eyes more than once. She gripped my hands tightly, though, and I knew in my heart she knew I was there and was happy I was. I sang, "the Lord bless you and keep you... the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious, gracious, gracious to you, the Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you, give you, give you peace". She is at peace now.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Aunty Rita, if you never knew, I hope you know now how much you were treasured. How much you were loved. Your friendship to me was incredible and I will never forget our visits, your kindness, your openness and your love. You have left a beautiful hole in my heart. You will never be forgotten.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-12350405639067545282013-03-13T12:52:00.001-07:002013-03-13T12:52:37.559-07:00What the Gospel means to me...<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Gospel
literally translated means “good news” or “glad tidings”. At 5 I believed that good news and asked
Jesus into my heart while I bowed my head at my little desk. Many times over the next years, I would doubt
that good news, and used my juvenile power of persuasion to beg forgiveness and
ask Jesus to come back into my heart. I
knew what the good news was – that God had sent his son Jesus to earth, to take
on the form of a man and live the life of a man; to be put to death as a man as
atonement for all the world’s sin, and to rise from the grave three days later,
completing the debt and returning to the right hand of God until he comes
again. I knew that, and yet somehow I
believed that my childish sins were so grave that I alone needed to continue to
ask for salvation – time and time again.
As I matured, though, the gospel changed shape and became something I
clung to… something I grabbed hold of, white knuckled and fierce… moments when
it would seem like I was Dorothy in the tornado, my life swirling around me in
a black cloud. The Gospel was there… the
truth of who God was (is), who his son was (is) and what that meant for my
life. The truth remains, whether I doubt
it or not. The truth remains, whether I
trust it or not. The truth remains, whether
I deserve it or not. For God <i>so.loved</i> Joy… that He gave his only son,
that if Joy believes in him, she should not perish, but have eternal life… God
did not send his son for Joy to <i>condemn</i>
Joy, but in order that Joy might be <b>saved
through him</b>. This is the truth of
the Gospel for me. I am not
condemned. My sins – past, present and
future, were nailed to a cross on a hill, with a man who was God who took them
willingly, and died in my place. It’s
that simple and that profound. I did
nothing to deserve this… I will never earn it and yet my life profits from it
every single day. I don’t know if I will
ever live my life fully embracing this Gospel I love… this story of the Christ
I love… I think it’s one of those things that you rediscover over and
over. It’s that awe-inspiring, jaw
dropping, “I don’t deserve this, but I can’t NOT take it” gift from a God who
loves me… and a Christ who embraced the darkest parts of me to allow me to
embrace His light in my life. This is
the Gospel. This is my good news. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-33340310939278289612012-12-04T19:51:00.001-08:002012-12-04T19:51:52.811-08:00A journey? Sure... why not?<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You think you have things all figured out. At least that's what you tell yourself. Maybe in the quiet - in the aloneness - honesty can come and you can realize that you don't have a clue. And maybe that's okay.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Journey's can be like that sometimes. You can think something your whole life and never really take it to heart, and suddenly you turn a corner and there it is. This thing, staring at you. Daring you to see that it's different than you believed. Different than you imagined. Different than you dared hope.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This journey is a lot like that for me. I'm not really telling you anything... yet. I think that's just where I am right now. But I can tell you this... it's a difficult journey. It's a hard, painful, beautiful journey. There's lots to come. I'll have lots to share. For now, I'm marinating in all that's new. All that's different. All that's tangible and real and lovely and hard. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's emerging... I'm emerging. Anxious to see what God has in store......</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-31008237441295990422012-01-27T08:36:00.000-08:002012-01-27T08:36:35.694-08:00A heap-load of patience, Lord... please.<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Single parenting at it's best is tough. It's not easy being the only adult in the house... not having another person to support, bounce ideas off of, relax with, give instruction. As a mom, my job is never done. There is always another question to be answered, always guidance to be given, always support, unconditional love and encouragement. I want my children to know that they are good enough - just.as.they.are.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Single parenting at it's worst? Let me offer an example. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My 10 year old daughter comes into my room this morning. "Mom? Does my hair look greasy?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">She has brushed it, pulled it back into a low pony and has a look in her eyes that says, "please say no".</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I said, "not at all... why sweets?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">She pauses... "dad said I have really greasy hair and said I have to shower before I come to his house".</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>my.heart.stops.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Are you KIDDING me? My fragile, beautiful, insecure, delightful TEN YEAR OLD daughter is being told by the man who is supposed to love her without compromise or condition, that her appearance isn't adequate and she needs to do something about it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I look at her and tell her that she looks just gorgeous and she says "okay" in a voice that says "I don't believe you, but thanks for the effort" and she goes about her routine.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm left sitting here, fuming and indignant at the man who has the NERVE to make my daughter feel like she's less than perfect (based on her APPEARANCE) and my "mama bear" thoughts are running rampant. I don't know the answer. I don't know how to restore my daughter's heart but to beg the God of the Universe to intervene and show her Love that covers all, renews all and unabashedly pours out on her just.as.she.is. Oh, and while you're at it, Lord? Remind me. I know her hurt and have felt that inadequacy myself and still need a nudge now and then to lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains, from whom my help comes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>Lord, hear my prayer... wrap my daughter's heart in Your hands and cover her in Your cloak. Allow Your truth to permeate her wounded heart and give her the strength to look to You for her approval, and not toward empty, earthly approval. Give me strength to do the same... and grant me patience and wisdom when it comes to her father. I cannot function in my own strength on this one. Speak to his heart - remind him of his job as a father... encourage him to realize, before it's too late, that he is to show her Your love. Your all consuming, unconditional, freely given, abundant love. Guide me as a parent - I want my children to be whole, happy, fulfilled and free. </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>In Your great name... </i></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-56358841261852043282011-12-15T19:32:00.001-08:002011-12-15T19:40:07.625-08:00...there's a change a'comin'...What's this? Movement and action on this stagnant blog site? Craziness. :)
2012 is a new year... a time of renewing, and a time to begin again - with intention... with purpose... with vision.
I don't know where I'm going... I don't know what I'm going to say. It might not be terribly profound, so bear with me. What I do hope is that my thoughts give way to change... in my own life, and for me personally. God has faithfully brought me so very far in this journey of mine... and He's not done with me yet. I was created with a purpose... I mean to know fully what that is and live in it... isn't that a novel idea?
So, if you're one who follows the diatribes I type, I'm hoping to start collecting thoughts here come January. Get this... I might actually attempt to blog once a week!! If nothing else, it's good practice for me - a release of sorts.
So, off we go! See you in January...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-71575093154931619642010-01-13T07:57:00.000-08:002010-01-13T08:25:55.395-08:00A new outlook for a new year...Well... shocking that I even remembered this website and that I'm POSTING again! :) It's been far too long, but all I can say is that I've been busy... really, really busy. <br />However, I'm hoping to remedy that. I can't guarantee that I'll be blogging on a weekly basis, but I do hope to put my thoughts down far more often than I have... 9 months is TOO long!<br /><br />So, I was driving in my car this morning, heading to the college when a Nickelback song came on. I know, I know... Nickelback?! I must admit, I enjoy blasting them in my car from time to time... onward. <br />These words struck me... <span style="font-style:italic;">"... each day's a gift and not a given right".</span> Huh? Seriously... do I live my life with the premise that it's not my right to live and experience, but a gift? I had considered abolishing any form of a New Year's resolution, simply because quite frankly, I never stick with them. Sad, I know. But the reality is that within two weeks I'm doing or saying everything I resolved not to! <br />But this... living every day like it's a gift and not a given? Oh, I think I can do that. I mean, I think I can TRY that. Because my life IS a gift. The privilege of waking up every day, loving the two little people in my house, having the friends I have and the opportunities I'm presented with... these things are gifts. Treasures. <br /><br />My friend Barbara posted this fantastic song a few weeks ago and I think, along with my new 2010 motto, this song is my theme for the year. It's brilliant and speaks the words I want to resonate in my life this year. <br /><br /> <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/bL0nDrEYDnk&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/bL0nDrEYDnk&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">God, may I wake every morning with a grateful heart... grateful for the life You allow me to live, grateful for the love I get to experience, grateful for the chance to grow, learn and be who You created me to be. Help me to never lose sight of that... and of the awe that comes with every new day. May You find honor in me and be blessed in my life.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-10243863590998588812009-04-07T09:04:00.000-07:002009-04-07T09:06:38.670-07:00Profound Love...This was a brilliant video we watched at our ladies' retreat this past weekend. I needed to hear it... and I wanted to share it, because I'm quite sure you need to know, especially this week, just how much He.loves.YOU.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/dEisSxR2cps&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/dEisSxR2cps&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-30721513706165059742009-03-23T19:22:00.000-07:002009-03-23T19:55:44.047-07:00But I'm so tired...I know it's said that "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger", but I'm feeling pretty defeated these days. It has been 2 1/2 years since my husband left our home - our family, our kids, me - and although he has filed for divorce (21 months ago), we have yet to settle certain things. I'm so weary of the fight. If this were only about me, I would have given in and given up so long ago. But this isn't about me. I don't have the luxury of being single-minded in this situation. I have two very lovely, very beautiful, very smart, very wonderful children who are dependant on me. They need me to be fierce. They need me to provide for them, and to ensure that they will be provided for, from this point on. <br />But I'm so tired.<br />I struggled for 14 months with a health issue that, quite literally, drained me. Not only was I in fear of what might be wrong, I was struggling with the sheer physical drain on my entire being. I was sent to a specialist who made me feel like there was nothing the matter, and that the problem was entirely superficial. I felt like my issue wasn't important, and that it was completely within my grasp to fix what was going wrong. I'm happy to say that I have seen a second specialist, been diagnosed, been treated and am no longer experiencing that problem. God is good.<br />But I'm <em>so</em> tired.<br />I was, up until January of this year, a full time student, fulfilling a commitment to the Workplace Safety and Insurance Board (WSIB) to be retrained as I am unable to return to the job I had when I was permanently injured. My teachers, and my doctor, saw the need for me to take a stress leave. I have to say, this was a humiliating thing for me to accept. I needed to be the one who had it all together. I didn't want it to be known that I was falling apart... literally feeling like I was being ripped in a dozen different directions and feeling like I didn't know which way was up. I knew I needed WSIB's approval, and discussed the ramifications of my "leave" to great extent with my adjudicator. She assured me that my income through them would not be eliminated, just reduced slightly. I worked out the numbers and was satisfied that I would be able to continue paying the necessary bills and keep food on the table, so I took the leave. Five weeks ago now, I received notice from WSIB that, in actual fact, I was only eligible for $1.36/week. Oh, and not only that, but they overpaid me and I, in fact, owe them $745.00, so they can't pay me until that debt is cleared. So much for a stress leave.<br />But I'm so <em>tired</em>.<br />I have, for as long as I can remember, absolutely loved to sing. At the age of 5, my family of 4 sang together, acapella, and in 4 part harmony. ALL due to my mother's tenacious, determined and disciplined persistance. I am grateful to her for all the times she kept me practicing, despite my desire to be anywhere but near that piano! This love of music, of singing, has morphed itself into my walk with God... I kind of think it's what He had in mind when He created me. I can't explain what happens to me when I lift my voice in song. I am drawn to His side. I feel His presence, and that in itself is the most incredible gift. This is what I'm coming to... the point I'm trying to make. I am so tired. I am being fired at, from all angles. I believe that this time, this season, is building my character. I believe that it is strengthening me, changing me, maturing me; but mostly, I believe it's making me draw close to the One who can give me rest. I can't walk this journey alone. I can't make these life-altering decisions on my own. I can't face the man who walked out on me, on my own. My heart can't take it. My mind can't possibly make the decisions that are best for my children. I can't close my eyes at night without giving Him complete control of my life and know... REST in the fact that He knows where this is leading. He knows what is going to happen, and He's going to be beside me, holding me up, strengthening me for what lies ahead. So, despite how I feel... despite the fear, the failure and the floundering... I find myself seated at the piano, shutting out the world and immersing myself in the Presence.<br /> <br /><em>I might be tired, but <strong>He's</strong> right here.</em><br /><br /><em><strong>Isaiah 40:31 <br /><br /> 31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.<br />~KJV</strong></em>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-14918177230865137312009-03-09T09:32:00.001-07:002009-03-09T09:51:36.884-07:00I will lift up my eyes...This is where my heart is today. It's been so long since I've blogged and for those of you who look for my little diatribes, I apologize! There is no excuse. Life takes over sometimes and I lose track of the little things that bring me "joy". <br />I hope you are blessed by this video... more so by the words of the song that lifts my heart today.<br /><br /><strong><em>I WILL LIFT MY EYES<br />By Bebo Norman<br /><br /><br />God, my God, I cry out<br />Your beloved needs You now<br />God, be near calm my fear and take my doubt<br />Your kindness is what pulls me up<br />Your love is all that draws me in<br /><br />I will lift my eyes to the Maker<br />of the mountains I can't climb<br />I will lift my eyes to the Calmer<br />of the oceans raging wild<br />I will lift my eyes to the Healer<br />of the hurt I hold inside<br />I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You<br /><br />God, my God, let mercy sing<br />her melody over me<br />and God, right here all I bring<br />is all of me<br />Your kindness is what pulls me up<br />Your love is all that draws me in<br /><br /><br />I will lift my eyes to the Maker<br />of the mountains I can't climb<br />I will lift my eyes to the Calmer<br />of the oceans raging wild<br />I will lift my eyes to the Healer<br />of the hurt I hold inside<br />I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You<br /><br /><br />'Cause You are and You were and You will be forever<br />the Lover I need to save me<br />'Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God<br />so hold me now<br /><br />I will lift my eyes to the Maker<br />of the mountains I can't climb<br />I will lift my eyes to the Calmer<br />of the oceans raging wild<br />I will lift my eyes to the Healer<br />of the hurt I hold inside<br />I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You<br />I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You<br /><br />God, my God, I cry out<br />Your beloved needs You now</em></strong><br /><br /><object width="340" height="285"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xMoDA5gTlNQ&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/xMoDA5gTlNQ&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="340" height="285"></embed></object>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-72971244629056911992008-10-30T18:41:00.000-07:002008-10-30T18:49:34.702-07:00Heard at my house tonight...My kids are SO hyper - going to see Nana and Papa tomorrow, so they were granted a 10:00 pm bedtime!<br /><br />Isabella: Michael, I'm going to pack our things, so let me know what you want to wear!<br />Michael: I'm taking my eagle shirt and these pants...<br />Isabella: Oh, that shirt looks SO good on you! Aren't you excited??<br />Michael: I can't wait!! And Isabella, we'll get to watch a movie in the car and Papa will meet us at the hotel and we'll see Nana and get to hug her!<br />Isabella: I love them!<br />Michael: and then we'll see Auntie Beth and Uncle Chip and Andrea and Timothy... I think Timmy likes me best, but that's just because I'm a boy. I'm sure he likes you, too!<br />Isabella: Oh, I know he loves me... Andrea is my BEST cousin!<br /><br />See you tomorrow, beautiful family! We (clearly!) can't wait!!!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-91334707468817048012008-10-10T13:56:00.000-07:002008-10-10T14:23:48.466-07:00ThanksgivingWhile the tone of my blogs has been rather morose of late, I'd like to take this opportunity to do a little reflection on the things I'm <em>ever</em> so grateful for....<br /><br />I am a woman blessed. God saw fit to place me in a family, so rich in heritage; so steeped in His love... blessed me with a sister who ferociously loves and protects me; parents who show discipline, integrity, honor, respect and love. My extended family is a further blessing of rich characters who challenge me, encourage me, love me, and show me, in their own ways, just how remarkable God created them to be.<br /><em>God is good.</em><br />God blessed me in marriage - to a man I didn't fully appreciate until he was gone. A man in whom I saw the potential to be such an instrument of God... and the father to my children.<br />Yes... children. My children are the blessings I have longed for... for as long as I can remember. They are my angels... gifts from God, who daily teach me things He wants me to learn. They open my eyes to see things I wouldn't be able to see on my own. They drive me to be better; to be more disciplined, more focused... they are my purpose and my desire is to be a mother that will show them God.<br /><em>God is SO good.</em><br />The branches of my family tree reach to encompass the friends in my life. From a best friend who has known me through my teen years and continues to love me and enrich my life; a dear, sister-friend... one who has stood beside me, encouraged me, held me up, supported me, and without words, knows my heart... and a kindred spirit. A lovely friend I don't see as often as I'd like, but who is Diana to my Anne... the lovely, graceful, devoted, dark-haired beauty I look up to and admire.<br /><br />So many things I am beyond thankful for. Thankful doesn't seem like enough.<br />Grateful.<br /><br />Favored.<br /><br />Satisfied.<br /><br /><em>"I thank my God every time I remember you."</em><br /><em>Phil 1:3</em>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-75138863536783121062008-10-02T23:34:00.000-07:002008-10-02T23:35:28.162-07:00In my head...<a href="http://wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/225714/the_beginning_of_the_end" title="Wordle: the beginning of the end"><img src="http://wordle.net/thumb/wrdl/225714/the_beginning_of_the_end" style="padding:4px;border:1px solid #ddd" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-52413780283681800362008-10-02T23:00:00.000-07:002008-10-02T23:27:22.196-07:00a sleepless night...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv0TTrlSLUk_qzKzyLgeGmwEPfZyevyTKdlKENZ8SadehH4HfQdoJ7P2PiSWyBlpQpfLWIQWnnLt4ZnC9aLD0L0ObZ4yo2nHUpNSW_Rbnd9bNKuiHX5kVjYAL8k_Hpw_nKTXyrbMk2zKVe/s1600-h/100_1750.jpg"></a>1:57am.<br />Why am I awake, you ask?<br />So many reasons... but one very significant and heartbreaking one.<br />Today is October 3rd. 15 years to the day of my first date with the man I would marry.<br />We went to Kelseys in Belleville.<br />I had chicken parmigiana... he had steak. Medium. Fries. Coke.<br />I still have the sugar packet he used in his coffee after dinner.<br />This doesn't make today heartbreaking....<br />that I am seeing my husband today at 2pm, in a court room; he with his lawyer and I with mine.... that is heartbreaking.<br />How does it come to this?<br />15 very short years... yet full... lovely, memorable, exciting, sad, difficult, anxious, wonderful years.<br />But over.<br />Why?<br />How?<br />How do you move forward from this? How do you look at your life and recognize anything? Nothing is familiar. Nothing is as it was or as it should be.<br />You find yourself on the phone with the man you married... the man you don't recognize any more. You hear him saying "lets just end this... it's dragged on long enough. We should settle things and just move on", and you agree in silence, yet somehow, in the deepest part of you, you're screaming... can't you hear me? I STILL LOVE YOU! It doesn't have to be like this! Our children deserve more than this!<br /><br />Silence.<br /><br />Words I can't possibly say. Words I can't bring myself to utter... they wouldn't make a difference anyway.<br /><br /><em><strong>God,</strong></em><br /><em><strong>grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,</strong></em><br />(<em>Serenity</em>: The quality or state of being serene; clearness and calmness; quietness; stillness; peace.)<br /><em><strong>the courage to change the things I can,</strong></em><br />(<em>Courage</em>: That quality of mind which enables one to encounter danger and difficulties with firmness, or without fear, or fainting of heart; valor; boldness; resolution.)<br /><em><strong>and the WISDOM to know the difference.</strong></em><br />(<em>Wisdom</em><strong>:</strong> The quality of being wise; knowledge, and the capacity to make due use of it; knowledge of the best ends and the best means; discernment and judgment; discretion; sagacity; skill; dexterity.)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-66663117136254595862008-09-11T05:34:00.000-07:002008-09-11T05:47:46.378-07:00Isaiah 54:4-17<div align="left">My sister recently emailed me and told me that this passage struck her as relevant for me. I read it over (as I have, many times before, I'm sure) and was absolutely floored. I continue to be overwhelmed at how much it applies to me and I'm just trying to grasp at the truth it holds. I have highlighted the things that have jumped out at me most.</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"><blockquote></blockquote></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left">4 "Do not be afraid; <em>you will not suffer shame</em>. </div><div align="left"><em>Do not fear disgrace</em>; you will not be humiliated. </div><div align="left">You will forget the shame of your youth </div><div align="left">and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.<br />5 For <em>your Maker is your husband</em>— </div><div align="left">the <strong>LORD Almighty</strong> is his name— </div><div align="left">the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; </div><div align="left">he is called the God of all the earth.<br />6 <strong><em>The LORD will call you back</em></strong> </div><div align="left">as if <em>you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit— </em></div><div align="left"><em>a wife who married young, </em></div><div align="left"><em>only to be rejected,</em>" says your God.<br />7 "For a brief moment I abandoned you, </div><div align="left">but <strong>with deep compassion I will bring you back</strong>.<br />8 In a surge of anger </div><div align="left">I hid my face from you for a moment, </div><div align="left">but <strong>with everlasting kindness </strong></div><div align="left"><strong>I will have compassion on you</strong>," </div><div align="left">says the LORD your Redeemer.<br />9 "To me this is like the days of Noah, </div><div align="left">when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth. </div><div align="left">So now I have sworn not to be angry with you, </div><div align="left">never to rebuke you again.<br />10 <strong><em>Though the mountains be shaken </em></strong></div><div align="left"><strong><em>and the hills be removed, </em></strong></div><div align="left"><strong><em>yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken </em></strong></div><div align="left"><strong><em>nor my covenant of peace be removed," </em></strong></div><div align="left"><strong><em>says the LORD, who has compassion on you</em></strong>.<br />11 "O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, </div><div align="left">I will build you with stones of turquoise, </div><div align="left">your foundations with sapphires.<br />12 I will make your battlements of rubies, </div><div align="left">your gates of sparkling jewels, </div><div align="left">and all your walls of precious stones.<br />13 All <em>your son(s) will be taught by the LORD</em>, </div><div align="left">and <strong>great will be your children's peace</strong>.<br />14 In righteousness you will be established: </div><div align="left">Tyranny will be far from you; </div><div align="left"><em>you will have nothing to fear</em>. </div><div align="left"><em><strong>Terror will be far removed</strong></em>; </div><div align="left">it will not come near you.<br />15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing; </div><div align="left"><em>whoever attacks you will surrender to you</em>.<br />16 "See, it is I who created the blacksmith </div><div align="left">who fans the coals into flame </div><div align="left">and forges a weapon fit for its work. </div><div align="left">And it is I who have created the destroyer to work havoc;<br />17 <em><strong>no weapon forged against you will prevail, </strong></em></div><div align="left"><em><strong>and you will refute every tongue that accuses you</strong></em>. </div><div align="left">This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, </div><div align="left">and <em>this is their vindication from me," </em></div><div align="left"><em><strong>declares the LORD</strong></em>.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-7098489439204272412008-07-23T06:49:00.000-07:002008-07-27T04:43:54.087-07:00Raining on the Inside...<em>When all goodbyes</em><br /><em>Are said and done,</em><br /><em>And nighttime finds you home,</em><br /><em>Are you all right</em><br /><em>To spend a night</em><br /><em>Of being all alone? </em><br /><em>And do you hide</em><br /><em>Between the lines</em><br /><em>Of conversations past? </em><br /><em>A wall of words,</em><br /><em>A heart unheard,</em><br /><em>That hides behind a mask? </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I'm raining on the inside;</em><br /><em>My heart wells up with tears that start to pour.</em><br /><em>I'm raining on the inside,</em><br /><em>But then your cries of love break through,</em><br /><em>And I fall in love with you once more.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>When friends who care</em><br /><em>Cant be there</em><br /><em>To ease away my pain,</em><br /><em>And peace of mind,</em><br /><em>It's hard to find,</em><br /><em>Like sunlight in the rain.</em><br /><em>God sees my heart,</em><br /><em>The deepest part,</em><br /><em>Inside this lonely me,</em><br /><em>And reachin in,</em><br /><em>His love begins</em><br /><em>To heal the heart in me.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I'm raining on the inside;</em><br /><em>Oh, my heart wells up with tears that start to pour.</em><br /><em>I'm raining on the inside,</em><br /><em>But then your cries of love break through,</em><br /><em>And I fall in love with you once more.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>- Amy Grant</em><br /><em></em><br />Somehow this day means as much - even though he's gone. How fitting, the rain on the roof and drops on the window as I look back and remember a day just like this... a white dress, friends and family, vows and a kiss.<br />How sad that it's over.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-17393428236978392782008-07-16T22:59:00.000-07:002008-07-16T23:40:54.793-07:00uncontainable, undeniable, unfathomable.There is a verse posted on my blog page - a verse that speaks to me in volumes.<br />If I let it.<br />I have a hard time understanding the why.<br />Why me?<br />Why love me?<br /><p><strong><em>"Because you are precious to me"...</em><em></p></em></strong>Have I not disappointed You?<br /><p><em><strong>"I give you honor and love you"...</strong></em></p><p>Have I not failed You? Hurt You? Broken Your heart?</p><strong><em>"I will give other people in your place; I will give other nations to save your life".</em><br /></strong><br /><em><strong></strong></em><br />I am overwhelmed. <br />I am sad when I think of all the places I have looked for love; looked for approval from people who were just as damaged as I am. My heart has been torn into pieces and rather than run to the One who is jealous for me and wants only to bless me, love me and complete me in His perfect way, I run away. I run and weep and lament for my empty desire for love that can not sustain me.<br />Not so with Christ.<br />His love is tangible and deep.<br />His love for me is real... He is a jealous God, wanting my affection and my attention. Honoring me and loving me simply for who it is that He created... longing for me to walk forth in His plan for my life.<br />This is what I run from?<br />Why am I SO afraid?<br /><br />So, I sit on my bed, face in my hands and I cry. At first I'm not sure why. The tears continue to fall as my mind reels... spinning in circles around what I know to be true, what I believe to be true and what I long to be true.<br />I don't want to think I am unworthy, but I do.<br />I don't want to think I am undeserving of His love, but I do.<br />I don't want to think I have sabatoged any chance of reconciliation, but I do.<br />I don't want to believe I have nothing to offer, but I do.<br />What surprises me is that God uses this moment... this place where I feel so unnecessary. He comes in that moment. He reaches out to me in that place where I feel so alone. His hands take my face and He wipes the tears. <br />"I love you", whispered in my ear.<br />This broken vessel, bruised and tired, breathes a sigh and collapses into the waiting arms of the One who loves her.<br />I will continue to realize how beautiful He is and how deep His love is for me. I have encountered it. I am not blind to it. Days like today make me question it - sadness looms like a rain cloud and swallows the Son for a time, but He remains. <br />He remains and continues to pour out His love and His blessing in my life.<br />He seeks me out. He longs for me. <br />He loves me.<br />Oh how He loves me.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-9125254567213654482008-07-14T16:09:00.000-07:002008-07-14T16:39:55.623-07:00Today's thoughts...<div><strong>Outside my window:</strong> the sun is peeking through the leaves of the neighbor's tree as it hovers over their red roof.<br /><strong>I am thinking:</strong> procrastination really <em>isn't </em>all that great and I don't have Mary Poppin's magic to help me clean this house!<br /><strong>I am thankful for:</strong> a perfect Sunday, with the children I love, a friend I love, a camera, a waterfall and a hike, all topped off with a blue raspberry slushie - BLISS.<br /><strong>From the kitchen:</strong> Isabella is working her skills on the microwave, reheating some leftover KD and asking me if I want a chocolate pudding... um, YES!<br /><strong>I am wearing:</strong> a brown tank top and cream capri's.<br /><strong>I am creating:</strong> memories as I adjust the gorgeous pictures from yesterday using Picnik (it's a GREAT tool)!<br /><strong>I am going:</strong> no where tonight. I think there will be baths, some laundry folding and perhaps even a 9:00 bedtime for everyone! Including me!<br /><strong>I am reading:</strong> Jane Eyre, Colossians and lovely comments of my pictures on facebook.<br /><strong>I am hoping:</strong> to see God's hand in my life as it is. Surely He knows where it's leading.<br /><strong>I am hearing:</strong> Michael tell Isabella "that's NOT how you do it"!<br /><strong>Around the house:</strong> there are many little things that need doing... motivation, please!!<br /><strong>One of my favorite things: </strong>is time with family! July 19th with the Baumans (AND it's my birthday!) and July 27th with the Brownsons. I LOVE my families!<br /><strong>A few plans for the rest of the week: </strong>laundry (neverending!), biking, cleaning windows and just enjoying the summer...</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><strong>A picture thought I am sharing:<img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5223017536227005874" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 302px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 381px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" height="344" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeOvJv-c8hXk-r6lywv0DOLYtwd1jF9jdkAjuNk9-fLGfwOMqN_Acut-L0NKB7Qqzlf9McpGFWnpeXB-wDSpOUTqUIgiN6QqOc6NqBYIIzkmZcTf35MdHgt9AhTC1IwjyiBcFw0YWNoJvb/s320/100_1784.jpg" width="428" border="0" /></strong></div><br /><div><em>"If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Rivers of living water will brim and spill out of the depths of anyone who believes in me this way, just as the Scripture says." John 7:38</em></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-56502999168356374052008-07-03T11:33:00.000-07:002008-07-03T16:16:15.011-07:00What I didn't get to sayThere are very few things in my life that I treasure.<br />Sure, I'm a packrat - I have the sugar packet that Dean used in his coffee on our first date... I have notes that Amy and I wrote back and forth in highschool... I have the first lock of hair cut from both my children's heads.<br />These are not things I truly treasure - of the few things that I cherish most, my family is one of the greatest.<br />You see, I was adopted. I have the sincere privilege of realizing how very different my life <em>could have</em> been. I could have been adopted by anyone. I could have stayed with my birth mother - the possibilities are endless.<br />God knew.<br />God blessed my life when he chose the family He did.<br />I am ever aware of the blessing of a small, intimate family.<br />Two parents, married 41 years this month - a testament to loyalty and perseverence.<br />One sister who continues to be my devout supporter and one of my dearest friends.<br />Beyond this, I have two uncles, two aunts, 5 cousins and so many precious memories of family gathering, meals shared, games played...<br /><br />I should mention the point of this blog... I <em>had</em> two uncles.<br />My dear Uncle Omer was diagnosed in December with stage 4 Melanoma - skin cancer. Too far advanced for regular treatment, he was given a very short time to live. We attended a healing service... gathered as a family and surrounded him with our love, prayers and annointing.<br />He was feeling very well up until the last week of May. His downward spiral didn't last long. My parents, my sister and I went to the hospital on the 22nd of June. This strong, robust bear of an uncle was fading fast. I hugged him as he raised his arms to embrace me... I kissed his cheek and whispered "I love you, Uncle". He told me he loved me too. Our visit was short - his energy was very low. However, we met in the waiting room with the 4 of us, my aunt and my cousin Darla. We prayed together, specifically praying for a private room and within 10 minutes, we were told he was being moved. A man in a private room requested the switch. PRAISE GOD! We had the opportunity to gather around him again, sing as a family and say our goodbyes. I told him I loved him again. I found myself holding back on the things I really wanted to say.<br />He died the following Tuesday morning and when I got the call, I felt like my world changed. Well, it did.<br />My uncle meant the world to me.<br />This was a man who I had known since I could remember. He was the master of the bear hug. The strong, silent man who didn't display emotion or affection, but would wink at me from across the dinner table. He introduced me to turkeys... brought me into the barn where 8,000 turkeys fell silent until he "gobblegobblegobble-d" and they broke out in chorus! He gave a speech at my wedding... I don't remember what he said, but the tears he cried were proof that he loved me back. He was a master craftsman. He built me a curio cabinet for a wedding gift. Just last fall he built me a piano bench - one I will treasure.<br />His life made an impact on me.<br />His absence is a hole that will be felt for a very long time.<br />I know he's in heaven, song-leading an angelic choir in an energetic rendition of "All Hail the Power"... I know I will see him again.<br />I wish he knew how much his presence meant. I wish he knew how excited I was when our annual family reunion came around. I wish he knew how he lifted my spirits... how his hugs revived me... how much I respected and loved him.<br />He was a true treasure in my life.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-64787243535906927952008-06-10T08:32:00.000-07:002008-06-10T12:55:57.533-07:00Gratitude today...I am humbled. <div><br /><div>It's moments like this that I shake my head and think about all the things I am grateful for - and then I think, "how on earth could I complain??"</div><br /><div></div><div>A family I have never met has been the subject of my fervent prayers for a few weeks now. A lovely couple, married just a year and they wait for the moment when they will lose their beautiful, almost one year old daughter. She was born with multiple heart defects, has had numerous seizures and wasn't expected to live more than a few hours after they pulled her off the machines. That was Friday. She's still here. (<a href="http://www.rnbrooks.com/">http://www.rnbrooks.com/</a>) </div><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5210342800000056818" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRS3ED8DvHhjPKEcHXURAGKId7q3UZPMjxVYqb3kCxt2WUv6cSITEk5e0n6wSPjM-DLNGWU-3cpkhfvyIpD5Llte1Iu8T4gZJF0PgTqEGMsiHukLp8Yl3OUXUanTE49pwaHPZZspGuj8eF/s400/Elysha.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br /><div></div><div>Why do I say all this? </div><div>I am SO grateful for two very healthy, very vivacious children. I have been blessed. </div><div>I am blessed. </div><div>I am SO grateful for a roof over my head, an airconditioner in my window, food in my fridge, gas in my car, a CAR, friends who love me, education that is paid for, a phone to connect with friends I don't get to see every day, a friend nearby who has been my constant companion, my confidante, my encourager, my support, my shoulder to cry on, my babysitter, my sounding board... my family. </div><div>I am blessed.</div><div>I am blessed.</div><br /><div></div><div>Things don't always go the way we plan. Life happens. I'm convinced that the things that happen are God's way of telling us He's more in control than we realize. He knows the plan... He wrote the plan. So today, even if it's just today, I am not going to complain. I am not going to fret. I am not going to worry. </div><div>I am going to sit back, watch my son play soccer, kiss my kids goodnight, sit on my friend's couch and watch some tv. And when I go to bed, I'm going to thank God for the blessings. Every last one of them.</div><div> </div><div> </div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div><em>Matthew 6:34</em></div><div><em>"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."</em></div><div></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-6395377087930259072008-05-30T07:23:00.000-07:002008-06-02T18:29:58.090-07:00I.....Thanks for this one, Amy. Very thought provoking........<br /><br />i am: a mother, a daughter, a friend.<br />i think: there could be so much more.<br />i know: I am in God's hands.<br />i want: to have purpose.<br />i have: a beautiful family.<br />i wish: I had more patience.<br />i hate: betrayal.<br />i miss: Amy.<br />i fear: more than I care to admit.<br />i feel: conflicted.<br />i hear: birds.<br />i smell: lilacs.<br />i crave: affection.<br />i search: for the pieces that fit.<br />i wonder: if it will change.<br />i regret: not trusting in my Father's hand of guidance.<br />i love: kissing my kids.<br />i ache: constantly.<br />i care: about the little things.<br />i always: smile.<br />i am not: who I want to be.<br />i believe: in the promise of a new day.<br />i dance: alone.<br />i sing: for Him.<br />i don’t always: do the right thing.<br />i fight: for others, not for myself.<br />i write: because it inspires me.<br />i win: rarely. It feels impossible.<br />i lose: when I think it's impossible.<br />i never: understood unconditional until I became a mother.<br />i confuse: and distort the thoughts in my head.<br />i listen: to the wind.<br />i can usually be found: napping.<br />i am scared: of the dark.<br />i need: to be reassured.<br />i am happy about: being a mom.<br /><br />And you?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-14702830857610260262008-05-23T09:46:00.000-07:002008-05-23T09:57:15.725-07:00In desperate need of a lighthouse.....Boating is bliss. Wind in your hair, sun on your face bliss. <br />There's nothing quite like gliding across a lake of mirrorglass, basking in the creation around you.<br /><br />Until it's no longer bliss.<br />Clouds roll in, lightening shatters and thunder cracks.<br />The once calm water suddenly turbulent and frightening.<br />All of the sudden, you can't see land... just the biting wind and the torrent of rain that is now falling.<br />Fear.<br />Absolute, uncontrollable fear. <br />There is no reason. There is no logic. All you think is "how will I get out of this? how will I survive??"<br /><br />This is my storm. This boat is my life. Nothing is familiar to me. This doesn't feel like my boat. I don't recognize anything - I don't know where anything is.<br />There are rocks ahead. I can't see to dodge them. Everything is dark and nothing can stop the fear that creeps into my heart and lays claim to all I hold dear.<br />I've thrown myself to the floor, tossed a blanket over my head and hold my breath. <br />The water is flooding in - there are holes in my boat and it's still raining.<br />I'm cold. I'm scared. I'm alone.<br /><br />I know of a lighthouse... of a light SO bright it would illuminate my whole world. I don't remember where it is anymore. I don't remember what direction it is. And while there is comfort in knowing it's out there <em>somewhere, </em>that doesn't help me on this day... in this storm.<br />Life is getting overwhelming. While I'm still smiling, inside I'm freaking out. Where is the lighthouse? Where's the beam of light that draws me to it and points the way through this storm?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-7141479547462234652008-05-07T12:27:00.000-07:002008-05-07T12:33:08.920-07:00Attitude of "spring" gratitude...I am thankful for so many different things, but on this day I am thankful for...<br />-spring rain - the smell of it, the sound of it pitter-pattering on my windows, the way it's nourishing the seeds my daughter planted...<br />-cool breezes... thankful that I have a furnace that I can SHUT off and windows I can open for that "just cleaned" fresh air smell<br />-fruits and veggies - all those lovely delicacies that you can get all year round but start coming in FRESH and local!<br />-the promise of spring... all the new, green possibilities. New growth, new flowers, new hope, new life...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-44873408359066090052008-05-04T11:14:00.000-07:002008-05-04T11:32:41.314-07:0010 years ago today...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL5AoTgrArAJaAgDx2sjx-XXbRcGEDjSKPqkmyiZPJULg-0hJ7UIhVLlbxo41S_aIG4ERQhOEvXsxbCSv0R6jlGG_CYNFiO1HtYslT1cHflfrq2L-2X6TOec1y6aXvhujadTPpSqS91wjK/s1600-h/DSC00549.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5196592396626675522" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL5AoTgrArAJaAgDx2sjx-XXbRcGEDjSKPqkmyiZPJULg-0hJ7UIhVLlbxo41S_aIG4ERQhOEvXsxbCSv0R6jlGG_CYNFiO1HtYslT1cHflfrq2L-2X6TOec1y6aXvhujadTPpSqS91wjK/s320/DSC00549.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>There is a lump in my throat as I write this blog today.<br />10 short, wonderful, overwhelming, perfect years ago today, I was contracting around the beautiful boy in my belly. My sister was driving from Toronto to be with me. It was a Monday.<br />I walked around the neighborhood where we lived. I was WILD with excitement at the thought of this little man who was about to enrich my life beyond anything I could imagine.<br />You see, I was adopted. I have a loving, wonderful family and have never wanted for anything - but I did always wish someone looked like me. God knew. He sensed the longing in my heart. He blessed me far more than I deserve when He gave me Michael.<br />The moment he was born, I cried, "he's here! It's Michael! He's here"! I knew he was a boy. I sensed it in my soul. I called him Michael from the moment I knew he was there. I treasured the 9+ months he was with me. I cherished the midnight feedings and the moments in silence when he had fallen asleep and I couldn't get enough of his beautiful face. I cheered him on when he started walking... I encouraged him when he cried the first day of school... I laughed as he told his baby sister about frankencelery and how God is bigger...<br />My boy is 10 tomorrow. No longer the chubby-cheeked toddler. No longer the babe in need of his mama's touch.<br />Every day is different. Every moment with my son is a moment I know I will never forget. He has brought me more joy than I can imagine. My heart is full. I am overjoyed. My cup runneth over.<br /><br />I dedicate the words of this Sara Groves song to the boy who stole my heart and who continues to make me strive to be the mother he needs.<br /><br /><em>You cannot lose - Sara Groves</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>You will lose your baby teeth</em><br /><em>at times you'll lose your faith in me</em><br /><em>you will lose a lot of things</em><br /><em>but you cannot lose my love.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>You may lose your appetite</em><br /><em>your guiding sense of wrong and right</em><br /><em>you may lose your will to fight</em><br /><em>but you cannot lose my love</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>You will lose your confidence</em><br /><em>in times of trial, your common sense</em><br /><em>you may lose your innocence</em><br /><em>but you cannot lose my love</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Many things can be misplaced</em><br /><em>your very memories be erased</em><br /><em>no matter what the time or space</em><br /><em>you cannot lose my love.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>You cannot lose... you cannot lose... you cannot lose my love.</em></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-63321816769323582792008-04-21T12:24:00.001-07:002008-04-21T12:29:02.175-07:00Joy needs... haha!Ok, so here are the top ten things I apparently need! OH my but I'm laughing!<br /><br />1. Joy needs tragedy<br />2. Joy needs jokes<br />3. Joy needs to be freed<br />4. Joy needs a better understanding of the nature of evil<br />5. Joy needs to leave her office!!!!!!!<br />6. Joy needs prayer<br />7. Joy needs some little things<br />8. Joy needs to spend some serious time in Baghdad<br />9. Joy <em>still</em> needs $78,000 - AHAHAHAHAHA!<br />10. Joy needs you<br /><br />Well, my oh my... haha... isn't that interesting!?<br /><br />(Funny, mine didn't say I needed a man! Poo!)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235415717066955062.post-55088984607279538622008-04-20T13:50:00.000-07:002008-04-20T16:55:02.248-07:00Just for fun...So, here goes! Learn a little something new about me!<br /><br /><strong>What I was doing 10 years ago:</strong><br />It was 1998 and I was two weeks away from giving birth to my son, Michael. WOW... can hardly believe it's been 10 years! Yikes! I remember being incredibly excited and could hardly wait for his birth...<br /><br /><strong>Five Snacks I enjoy:</strong> (not in any kind of order!)<br />1. Olives, any variety<br />2. fruit, all kinds<br />3. Cheese with crackers<br />4. Popcorn<br />5. hummus and pitas<br /><br /><strong>Things I would do if I were a billionaire:</strong><br />1. Pay off all my bills/debt, and that of my husband<br />2. Pay bills/debt of my family members and close friends<br />3. Take a trip with Amy to Aruba<br />4. Travel some more with Mariah or my kids - lots I want to see!<br />5. Fix up my house<br /><br /><strong>Five jobs that I have had:</strong> (most recent first)<br />1. Mommy<br />2. Packer (plant work - waterproof membranes for roofing!)<br />3. Pool store sales clerk/secretary/sales associate/stocker/gopher/water tester... etc<br />4. Residential counsellor in a group home for mentally challenged adults<br />5. Sales clerk in a clothing store<br /><br /><strong>Three of my habits:</strong><br />1. check email incessantly<br />2. folding and refolding towels and other closet items<br />3. singing randomly and constantly<br /><br /><strong>Bad Habits...</strong><br />1. sleeping in<br />2. not doing dishes... is that a habit??<br />3. not recycling... sorry Amy!<br /><br /><strong>Five place I have lived:</strong><br />1. Sarnia<br />2. Woodstock<br />3. Stirling<br />4. Bancroft<br />5. Chicago<br /><br /><strong>Five things not many people know about me</strong>:<br />1. I am American<br />2. I was adopted<br />3. I love to cook and experiment in the kitchen<br />4. I wish I had 4 more kids<br />5. I have a 200+ year old violin - that I still play.<br /><br />Now you! Your turn! Enjoy!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06491065913163734995noreply@blogger.com5