The little things that break my heart...

Today is a normal day.
Nothing different from yesterday... just today. We had dinner, did homework and got ready for bed. Same thing.
I go into my daughter's room to kiss her, pray with her and love her up a little. I look down at her and her chin is quivering...
I say, "sweets, what's wrong?"
She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath as a tear rolls down her face and says...
"I miss my dad."
I kiss her forehead.
I tell her, "I'm sorry honey. I know you miss him. I miss him too. Daddy loves you very much."
"I know, mama."
Oh my darling girl...
These are the moments that break my heart... the moments where I am left shaking my head wondering how on earth he could be away from her - miss out on the bedtime kisses, the hugs, the tickle fights. Wondering how he could go even a day without hearing her 6 year old voice say "I love you daddy!"
I know I couldn't. Not even for a day.

I expected my heart to break... to keep breaking.
I hate that hers is.

"God, I don't want to hate the man who breaks my daughter's heart. Please... I don't need to understand why, I don't even need him to change, I just need to know that YOU hold her... and that you will love her with your Father's heart. And be with the man who is still a part of our family. Watch over him. Guard his heart. Guide his mind. If you will, bring him home. We love him."

10 Questions...

1. What's one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God? Spend more time with Him! I think that would increase my enjoyment of Him, greatly!
2. What's the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year? To give me wisdom to face the day, grace to handle what comes my way and "joy" in my heart, mind and countenance... I wish to live up to my name!
3. What's the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year? I must remember that my children are a GIFT... I want to continue to be surprised by them, proud of them, trust in them and love on them more than ever...
4. In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it? In my worship of Him who sustains me... more than just my times of worship, but my heart of worship, my desire to BE with Him and hear what He has to say to me. I want to learn to shut up and listen... what He has to say is infinitely better than anything that comes out of my mouth...
5. What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year? Sleeping... I would dissolve into sleep and wish my life away in my bed. I want to sleep when I'm meant to, and be UP and involved in my life - I want to spend my time looking for the blessings , rather than focus on the mistakes and heartaches...
6. What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church? I want to be present... I want to make attendance important again and I want to be someone that is desiring fellowship. I want to not be afraid to open myself up to new people, new experiences and a new church family.
7. For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year? I'm going to say my good friend. She has been invaluable to me and her friendship is one of the most important of my life. She has no relationship with God and I continue to pray that He might be revealed in my life and that she will long to know Him and have a relationship with Him.
8. What's the most important way you will, by God's grace, try to make this year different from last year? My attitude. I want my life to reflect the blessings I have been given and to seek the will of the One who knows my path and purpose.
9. What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year? Actually PRAY! With my kids, alone, daily and constantly... God has proved that nothing is too small or too big for Him to handle...
10. What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity? I consider parenting to be my most important and crucial responsibility. As my children grow up and continue to heal , I PRAY most fervently that God will use me to teach them the things they need most... to be honest, unselfish, loving, seeking after God, pure, self controlled and respectful.

Ten answers. Ten questions that have made me think long and hard and reflect on the things that matter in my life, now and to eternity. They have challenged me... I only hope God gives me the strength to abide in Him, trust in Him and allow Him to lead me even when I can't see the path.....


"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
"I'll get you out of any trouble.
I'll give you the best of care
if you'll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I'll rescue you....."

Psalm 91 v. 14 &15

the end of 2007...

This past year has run the gamut of emotions for me. I can honestly say I've experienced everything from sheer joy to wretching heartbreak. It seems I could experience all the emotions in any given week! Through it all, God is faithful and sustains me, despite my complaints.

I have many things to be thankful for, so please bear with me as I go through the list.

1 - I've already mentioned Him, but without God, I would have dissolved into self pity and would not have had the strength to make it through the last 16 months. God is the lifter of my soul... He's the author of my life and though my story is turning out a little different than I had planned, I know He knows what the next chapter holds and I wait with bated breath to see what new and exciting things He has in store.

2 - My children... I know I keep being thankful for them, but they truly are a "joy" in my life and I simply cannot imagine who I would be without them. I LOVE being their mama... I love waking to hear my daughter sing as she's getting ready for school. I love having my son come in my room and say, "good morning, mom. I love you today." My children are lovely. They are strong, energetic, loving kids who daily give me reasons to laugh and cry. We have a blast, we three...

3 - Amy... my dearest friend. I love you more than I could ever express. You encourage me, you challenge me, you support me and you love me. All things I'm not sure I deserve, but all things I can't possibly live without. God knew I needed you. He put you in my life and I am so very grateful for the gift of you. You are beautiful... you are strong... you are someone I wish I was more like. I absolutely love you and can't wait for yet another year of friendship. You mean the world to me.

4 - I am SO very thankful for my education. This past fall I began a two year Social Service Worker program at Lambton College. This education is paid in full by the Workplace Safety and Insurance Board. Had I not been injured at work, I would not be attending and I would not be experiencing the thrill of high marks and a program I absolutely love. I am so blessed to be able to attend college and not pay a single cent out of pocket. My injury has been a trial, but the blessings I have seen come from it are more than I can say. The confidence I have gained in 3 short months has been nothing short of miraculous and I can't wait for the next term!

5 - My family... I can never adequately express how my family blesses me. From my parents and sister, to my cousins and extended members, I have the best family. I appreciate the support, the love and the encouragement I have received from my whole family. I have loved getting to know cousins a little better in this last year and I pray that our bonds continue to grow. I can't imagine what my life would have been like had I not been chosen to join this family I have. God's hand has been on my life for all these years and I recognize the importance my family has played in shaping who I am today. I love you all... more than you will ever know.

I'm looking forward to a new year... new challenges, new surprises... I eagerly anticipate a new year of memories with my children, my friends and my family. I pray for more wisdom and patience as I face new difficulties and I PRAY for the spirit to rejoice, even when I don't feel like it.

Lamentations 3:22-25

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,

to the one who seeks him;

Christmastime

Here we are, less than 4 days before Christmas... I absolutely LOVE this time of year.

I'm always thrilled when the first flakes fall... always a little less thrilled when I have to get out of my driveway the next day! Nevertheless, I love snow and the winter wonderland that comes with it. My exams were finished December 13th and the very next day my children and I went out and got ourselves a REAL Christmas tree! It's been a few years since we had a real tree and I didn't realize how much I missed the smell of pine in my house. Even more so, the excitement from my kids was palpable! We trimmed the tree last saturday and had a blast doing it...

We sat down as a family the other night to watch the Nativity Story... both kids really enjoyed it. I had to laugh the next day when Isabella suggested watching a Christmas movie again and Michael said, "Not the Navigational Story again!" HAHAHA... oh my boy...

I want to extend a Happy Christmas to all friends, old and new... may your holiday be filled with joy and a renewed focus on the One who's birth we celebrate... may your New year be enriched with blessings from Him who guides and sustains you.

Love from the three of us...

Joy, Michael and Isabella