You think you have things all figured out. At least that's what you tell yourself. Maybe in the quiet - in the aloneness - honesty can come and you can realize that you don't have a clue. And maybe that's okay.
Journey's can be like that sometimes. You can think something your whole life and never really take it to heart, and suddenly you turn a corner and there it is. This thing, staring at you. Daring you to see that it's different than you believed. Different than you imagined. Different than you dared hope.
This journey is a lot like that for me. I'm not really telling you anything... yet. I think that's just where I am right now. But I can tell you this... it's a difficult journey. It's a hard, painful, beautiful journey. There's lots to come. I'll have lots to share. For now, I'm marinating in all that's new. All that's different. All that's tangible and real and lovely and hard.
It's emerging... I'm emerging. Anxious to see what God has in store......
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
A heap-load of patience, Lord... please.
Single parenting at it's best is tough. It's not easy being the only adult in the house... not having another person to support, bounce ideas off of, relax with, give instruction. As a mom, my job is never done. There is always another question to be answered, always guidance to be given, always support, unconditional love and encouragement. I want my children to know that they are good enough - just.as.they.are.
Single parenting at it's worst? Let me offer an example.
My 10 year old daughter comes into my room this morning. "Mom? Does my hair look greasy?"
She has brushed it, pulled it back into a low pony and has a look in her eyes that says, "please say no".
I said, "not at all... why sweets?"
She pauses... "dad said I have really greasy hair and said I have to shower before I come to his house".
my.heart.stops.
Are you KIDDING me? My fragile, beautiful, insecure, delightful TEN YEAR OLD daughter is being told by the man who is supposed to love her without compromise or condition, that her appearance isn't adequate and she needs to do something about it.
I look at her and tell her that she looks just gorgeous and she says "okay" in a voice that says "I don't believe you, but thanks for the effort" and she goes about her routine.
I'm left sitting here, fuming and indignant at the man who has the NERVE to make my daughter feel like she's less than perfect (based on her APPEARANCE) and my "mama bear" thoughts are running rampant. I don't know the answer. I don't know how to restore my daughter's heart but to beg the God of the Universe to intervene and show her Love that covers all, renews all and unabashedly pours out on her just.as.she.is. Oh, and while you're at it, Lord? Remind me. I know her hurt and have felt that inadequacy myself and still need a nudge now and then to lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains, from whom my help comes.
Lord, hear my prayer... wrap my daughter's heart in Your hands and cover her in Your cloak. Allow Your truth to permeate her wounded heart and give her the strength to look to You for her approval, and not toward empty, earthly approval. Give me strength to do the same... and grant me patience and wisdom when it comes to her father. I cannot function in my own strength on this one. Speak to his heart - remind him of his job as a father... encourage him to realize, before it's too late, that he is to show her Your love. Your all consuming, unconditional, freely given, abundant love. Guide me as a parent - I want my children to be whole, happy, fulfilled and free.
In Your great name...
Single parenting at it's worst? Let me offer an example.
My 10 year old daughter comes into my room this morning. "Mom? Does my hair look greasy?"
She has brushed it, pulled it back into a low pony and has a look in her eyes that says, "please say no".
I said, "not at all... why sweets?"
She pauses... "dad said I have really greasy hair and said I have to shower before I come to his house".
my.heart.stops.
Are you KIDDING me? My fragile, beautiful, insecure, delightful TEN YEAR OLD daughter is being told by the man who is supposed to love her without compromise or condition, that her appearance isn't adequate and she needs to do something about it.
I look at her and tell her that she looks just gorgeous and she says "okay" in a voice that says "I don't believe you, but thanks for the effort" and she goes about her routine.
I'm left sitting here, fuming and indignant at the man who has the NERVE to make my daughter feel like she's less than perfect (based on her APPEARANCE) and my "mama bear" thoughts are running rampant. I don't know the answer. I don't know how to restore my daughter's heart but to beg the God of the Universe to intervene and show her Love that covers all, renews all and unabashedly pours out on her just.as.she.is. Oh, and while you're at it, Lord? Remind me. I know her hurt and have felt that inadequacy myself and still need a nudge now and then to lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains, from whom my help comes.
Lord, hear my prayer... wrap my daughter's heart in Your hands and cover her in Your cloak. Allow Your truth to permeate her wounded heart and give her the strength to look to You for her approval, and not toward empty, earthly approval. Give me strength to do the same... and grant me patience and wisdom when it comes to her father. I cannot function in my own strength on this one. Speak to his heart - remind him of his job as a father... encourage him to realize, before it's too late, that he is to show her Your love. Your all consuming, unconditional, freely given, abundant love. Guide me as a parent - I want my children to be whole, happy, fulfilled and free.
In Your great name...
Thursday, December 15, 2011
...there's a change a'comin'...
What's this? Movement and action on this stagnant blog site? Craziness. :)
2012 is a new year... a time of renewing, and a time to begin again - with intention... with purpose... with vision.
I don't know where I'm going... I don't know what I'm going to say. It might not be terribly profound, so bear with me. What I do hope is that my thoughts give way to change... in my own life, and for me personally. God has faithfully brought me so very far in this journey of mine... and He's not done with me yet. I was created with a purpose... I mean to know fully what that is and live in it... isn't that a novel idea?
So, if you're one who follows the diatribes I type, I'm hoping to start collecting thoughts here come January. Get this... I might actually attempt to blog once a week!! If nothing else, it's good practice for me - a release of sorts.
So, off we go! See you in January...
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
A new outlook for a new year...
Well... shocking that I even remembered this website and that I'm POSTING again! :) It's been far too long, but all I can say is that I've been busy... really, really busy.
However, I'm hoping to remedy that. I can't guarantee that I'll be blogging on a weekly basis, but I do hope to put my thoughts down far more often than I have... 9 months is TOO long!
So, I was driving in my car this morning, heading to the college when a Nickelback song came on. I know, I know... Nickelback?! I must admit, I enjoy blasting them in my car from time to time... onward.
These words struck me... "... each day's a gift and not a given right". Huh? Seriously... do I live my life with the premise that it's not my right to live and experience, but a gift? I had considered abolishing any form of a New Year's resolution, simply because quite frankly, I never stick with them. Sad, I know. But the reality is that within two weeks I'm doing or saying everything I resolved not to!
But this... living every day like it's a gift and not a given? Oh, I think I can do that. I mean, I think I can TRY that. Because my life IS a gift. The privilege of waking up every day, loving the two little people in my house, having the friends I have and the opportunities I'm presented with... these things are gifts. Treasures.
My friend Barbara posted this fantastic song a few weeks ago and I think, along with my new 2010 motto, this song is my theme for the year. It's brilliant and speaks the words I want to resonate in my life this year.
God, may I wake every morning with a grateful heart... grateful for the life You allow me to live, grateful for the love I get to experience, grateful for the chance to grow, learn and be who You created me to be. Help me to never lose sight of that... and of the awe that comes with every new day. May You find honor in me and be blessed in my life.
However, I'm hoping to remedy that. I can't guarantee that I'll be blogging on a weekly basis, but I do hope to put my thoughts down far more often than I have... 9 months is TOO long!
So, I was driving in my car this morning, heading to the college when a Nickelback song came on. I know, I know... Nickelback?! I must admit, I enjoy blasting them in my car from time to time... onward.
These words struck me... "... each day's a gift and not a given right". Huh? Seriously... do I live my life with the premise that it's not my right to live and experience, but a gift? I had considered abolishing any form of a New Year's resolution, simply because quite frankly, I never stick with them. Sad, I know. But the reality is that within two weeks I'm doing or saying everything I resolved not to!
But this... living every day like it's a gift and not a given? Oh, I think I can do that. I mean, I think I can TRY that. Because my life IS a gift. The privilege of waking up every day, loving the two little people in my house, having the friends I have and the opportunities I'm presented with... these things are gifts. Treasures.
My friend Barbara posted this fantastic song a few weeks ago and I think, along with my new 2010 motto, this song is my theme for the year. It's brilliant and speaks the words I want to resonate in my life this year.
God, may I wake every morning with a grateful heart... grateful for the life You allow me to live, grateful for the love I get to experience, grateful for the chance to grow, learn and be who You created me to be. Help me to never lose sight of that... and of the awe that comes with every new day. May You find honor in me and be blessed in my life.
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