It's dark.
Somehow, in the dark, I find it hard to remember a time when it wasn't black like this... a time when I could see, when things were different.
But here... now... it's just so dark.
I'm enclosed somewhere, swaddled - like in a tomb. Only not a tomb.
It's quiet.
I don't hear His voice, lately. I just hear silence.
Looking back at this time, I am sure I will be able to see the moments where He truly was there, but here, in this moment, it's quiet.
In this place, I'm still. I'm not struggling to free myself - somehow in this place of quiet darkness I feel safe.
I don't want to open my eyes.
I don't want to look at myself.
I feel alone.
His heart cries for me.
He is watching me in these moments... desperate to reach out but aware that it is necessary for me to reach out to Him.
Him, who is standing a breath away.
He sees what I don't... He sees past the dark, past the quiet. He sees beyond this...
He knows I will emerge from this - stronger, more beautiful, more in Him - I can't see that.
He can.
I'm not ready.
My heart is holding on to the smallest thread of hope possible. It's a broken heart... a heart longing for something that doesn't exist any more and maybe didn't ever exist.
But there's still hope.
Maybe not for everything I pray for... everything I long for...
But there's still hope.
Maybe life as I know it won't ever be again.
But maybe I didn't really know LIFE.
So, I sit.
In darkness.
In the quiet.
As painfully alone as I feel, I am not alone.
This thread of hope... the thread that holds my broken heart together, the thread that brings me one step closer to trust, love and life...
HE is the hope.
3 comments:
Joy, I am sorry that I missed seeing you on Sunday. I didn't realize that you were at church. Jeremiah 29:11 declares that God "...has plans for your good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." I have held unto this promise, initially as I hoped for the restoration of my marriage. Then my hope lay in trying to relocate with my children. For now my hope must simply be IN HIM. I don't know what the future holds for either one of us but I do know who holds the future and He declares that he will give us a "future and a hope".
The Voice of Truth:
Oh, what I would do
To have the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is, And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win, you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh, what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me time and time again
"Boy you'll never win, you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
but the stone was just the right size to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus singing over me
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says do not be afraid
And the voice of truth says this is for my glory
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
I will listen and believe I will listen and believe the voice of truth
I will listen and believe 'Causes Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you.......
Sounds like you are in "dark night of the soul" time, in your life. Hugs!
Post a Comment