Gratitude and thanks...

Well, I figured it was time for a positive, uplifting post... I have a lot to be thankful for. Here's the short list.....
1 - my kids. I keep saying it and saying it, but it never stops being true. I LOVE my kids... they bring me more "joy" every single day of my life and I am proud to call them mine. We had a parent/teacher night last week and I got to meet their teachers. Michael's teacher couldn't say enough about him... and I quote,"I love that kid! He's so fun to have in the class, he pays attention, he volunteers and helps out all the time and he's always making me laugh! I couldn't love him more... he's been a pleasure to have and I'm looking forward to the rest of the year!" How could I be more proud??? That's my boy! Isabella's teacher said, "she is never without a smile on her face! She is a lovely girl and all the kids in the class want to sit by her, be her friend and play with her. She doesn't complain, she tries her hardest and she is so polite!" I'm pretty sure the other parents were wondering who that crazy lady dancing down the hall was! :) They're the greatest kids... I'm a blessed mama. I am honored God chose me for you!
2 - my friends. I don't know where I'd be without the support, love and encouragement of the few, but truly precious friends in my life. Old and new, I wouldn't be where I am today without any of you (and I hope you know who you are!). I value the wisdom, the advice, the support, the prayer and the love. I'm a blessed woman. I am honored to know you and call you friends.
3 - COLLEGE! Haha, now this may seem funny, but I am SO grateful to be able to attend college, fully sponsored, and be in a program I absolutely LOVE. It has given me something to look forward to, something to apply myself to and has given me a renewed confidence in my abilities to learn and in who I am as a person. Had I not been injured, I would not have this opportunity - God works everything together for good... this is proof. I'm SO excited and pray that I make the most of what I've been given.

This, hands down, has been one of the worst years of my life. Even so, I've been able to look back and see where God has been with me and how He continues to provide for me and my family. The storm's not over... on some levels, it has barely begun, but I will continue to face upward, keep my eyes on Him who sustains me and pray He gives me the strength to be the woman I'm called to be, the mother I need to be and be the friend I hope to be.

This is for Holly... :)

Ok ladies... I'm posting a recipe... it's my favorite chicken recipe and it's incredibly easy to make.

Oven baked Parmesan Chicken

1/4 cup butter or margarine (I have also used Olive oil, in a pinch!)
1/2 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese (most times I make it now, I omit the flour and use 1 cup of parm)
2 tsp dried basil
1 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
6 chicken breasts (I've never tried it with bone in chicken, mostly boneless, skinless)
1/3 cup of milk

Heat your oven to 400 degree. In a 3x9 baking pan, melt the butter in the oven (5 minutes or so - obviously you don't have to heat the oil, it's already liquid). Meanwhile, combine all the other ingredients, minus the chicken and the milk - a bowl or a pie plate will work for this. Dip the chicken in the milk and then coat with the parmesan mixture. Dip the chicken in the butter; place breast side up in pan. (You want to make sure both sides are dipped in the butter... makes for crispy, yummy cheese crust!)
Bake for 45-50 minutes or until chicken is fork tender and golden brown...

I usually serve with steamed veggies and potatoes, but you could easily put a marinara sauce on it and serve with pasta or rice. However you like it. :)

Enjoy!

I will never leave you...

So, we're coming up on a year since that dreadful day. A year of lonely days, sad nights, teary phone calls and aching hearts for a daddy who's not here. We have come SO far and my children have been such darlings - and so strong. It's moments like this one I'm about to tell, though, that kill me, and make me realize that a father who's gone is not a father who has no impact... rather, he has more impact than even he realizes.

So, we are at the grocery store. Same store we go to EVERY time we shop. My children come 90% of the time - like I could actually grocery shop without children??? - and they know the store better than I do. I'm going up and down the aisles, my children with me and stalling some of the time to look at all the things I haven't put in my cart...
Before I see her, I hear her.
This timid little cry... I turn and my daughter isn't behind me. I back up and peek down the last aisle and as she sees me, the timid little cry turns into a full on weep. But that's not what gets me. It's her face. This look of panic - fear laced, trembling, absolutely terrified look of panic amid the tears falling down her precious face.
I rush to her side... fall on the floor of the store and pull her into my lap and rock... kissing her face, wiping her tears... cradling her, saying over and over, "I will NEVER, ever leave you! I would never leave this store without you. I would NOT leave until I had you by my side. I will never ever ever leave you... I couldn't. I will NEVER leave you."
oh my heart.
She says she knows... "I know mama, I know." But the fear... and I was out of sight mere seconds.
oh my heart.

She moves on... she's with me now and she is safe again. She wants granola bars... sure.

I'm still in that moment. Later that night while my babies sleep peacefully, I lay in bed tossing. I am standing alone... fear laced, trembling, absolutely terrified and panic-stricken... and I can't hear that voice...
"I will never leave you, or forsake you."

I know the words... but my heart can't find them. Because, I am alone.

Fernando Ortega - Give me Jesus...

In the morning when I rise, in the morning when I rise, in the morning when I rise
Give me Jesus...
Give me Jesus, give me Jesus
You can have all this world, but give me Jesus.

And when I am alone, oh when I am alone, and when I am alone,
Give me Jesus...

Give me Jesus, give me Jesus
you can have all this world, but give me Jesus.
--

the hope...

It's dark.
Somehow, in the dark, I find it hard to remember a time when it wasn't black like this... a time when I could see, when things were different.
But here... now... it's just so dark.
I'm enclosed somewhere, swaddled - like in a tomb. Only not a tomb.
It's quiet.
I don't hear His voice, lately. I just hear silence.
Looking back at this time, I am sure I will be able to see the moments where He truly was there, but here, in this moment, it's quiet.
In this place, I'm still. I'm not struggling to free myself - somehow in this place of quiet darkness I feel safe.
I don't want to open my eyes.
I don't want to look at myself.
I feel alone.
His heart cries for me.
He is watching me in these moments... desperate to reach out but aware that it is necessary for me to reach out to Him.
Him, who is standing a breath away.
He sees what I don't... He sees past the dark, past the quiet. He sees beyond this...
He knows I will emerge from this - stronger, more beautiful, more in Him - I can't see that.
He can.
I'm not ready.
My heart is holding on to the smallest thread of hope possible. It's a broken heart... a heart longing for something that doesn't exist any more and maybe didn't ever exist.
But there's still hope.
Maybe not for everything I pray for... everything I long for...
But there's still hope.
Maybe life as I know it won't ever be again.
But maybe I didn't really know LIFE.
So, I sit.
In darkness.
In the quiet.
As painfully alone as I feel, I am not alone.
This thread of hope... the thread that holds my broken heart together, the thread that brings me one step closer to trust, love and life...

HE is the hope.