This beast is a lie. I get that it's a lie and yet, somehow I allow this lie to sit in my house... look me in the face and I feel inferior. This lie has the audacity to look me in the face? I, who know in my head who I belong to, allow this lie to cripple me and make me feel as though I don't belong... anywhere. This beast is so much bigger than laundry. This beast is one that makes me feel shame for things I have no control over... makes me believe that there are things I could have done, should have done differently. Makes me believe everyone is looking at me and judging me - picking me apart and pointing out all my faults behind my back. But there's something this beast of a lie doesn't know. Or maybe it does but it thinks I'm too intimidated, too spineless or weak to point it out.
This is what I know:
1 - "you may not know Me, but I know everything about you..." Psalm 139:1
2 - "I chose you when I planned creation..." Ephesians 1:11-12
3 - "My plan for your future has always been filled with hope... " Jeremiah 29:11
4 - "My thoughts towards you are as countless as the sand on the seashore..." Psalm 139:17-18
5 - "and I rejoice over you with singing..." Zephaniah 3:17
6 - "for you are My treasured possession..." Exodus 19:5
NO lie is bigger than that... and this tiny speck of the great truth in the letters from my Love is what I know to be truth. As for the posties? They'll go everywhere... on my bedside table, my bathroom mirror, my computer screen, my fridge, my steering wheel, my television. I will not allow this lie, this falsehood to destroy the hope I cling to. I will not allow this insignificant lie to destroy me, to deter me from my focus - I am a CHILD OF GOD. I belong... I was meant to be and my life has a purpose. "..for I am your greatest encourager..." (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17) "I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles..." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) "When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you..." (Psalm 34:18)
I'm tired of feeling insignificant... alone... ashamed. I have made mistakes, believe me, but this is just part of my story. This is just part of what makes me what He wants... what brings me to Him and allows me to be broken enough for Him to heal and restore.
Take that, lie.
5 comments:
Thank you for your honesty.
It brings me great JOY (lol) to see you conquering this battle with knowledge that the Lord loves you and has enormous plans for you. Cling to that. Praise him for grace and mercy during these times...
I love you and stand behind you in all things.
Amy
Joy,
Bless you in your journey! I know that dwelling on His truth WILL indeed set you FREE!
I love freedom!!!!!!!!!!
Holly
Joy, this is long but sooooo great!
Holly
AMAZING GRACE
By LEWIS SMEDES
"Grace, in my experience, is especially for people who feel, not that things on the outside are all wrong, but that they are all wrong on the inside. When we have gummed up our own lives, and we can't seem to find a good word to say for ourselves, grace says that God will accept us and never reject us. Acceptance, you see, is what grace is really all about. I believe that deepest need that any of us have is to know that we are accepted and we will never be rejected.
Most of us have an underground trembling anxiety that, if people could see us for what we really are, they would not accept us. And we are also anxious that God, who does see us for what we really are will look at us and say: "You are not acceptable." But God comes with another word. Whether you're acceptable or not doesn't matter. What matters is this: "You are accepted, no matter what." Grace means that when God says Yes to us even when we say No to ourselves, His Yes is so strong that our No about ourselves does not have a chance.
Grace says: No, you are never stuck with what you have stuck yourself with. You are accepted. You are accepted no matter how much you have gummed things up.
I admit that grace cuts through the hard crust of logic. Hard-boiled common sense will tell you that there is too much wrong with you for you to be acceptable to the demanding Maker of the universe. Common sense tells us that we are stuck with whatever we stuck ourselves with. Grace is the revolutionary reality. It's God's desire to 'unstick' us from whatever we have stuck ourselves with.
Let me say it again: Grace is God's resounding 'yes' to you while you are saying 'no' to yourself. And his 'yes' to you is so resounding that it drowns out your 'no' that you say to yourself.
Grace means that God will always be for you; he will never be against you. God will always say yes to you, he will never say no to you even when you are saying no to yourself. You will never mess up your life so badly that God will say no to you. You can live each day breathing the fresh air of his grace.
The grace of God does not always come to us in a church where we might expect it. It may come through to you as you are stuck in heavy traffic. It may slide silently up beside you while a crowd around you is busy chattering. Then again it could come to when you are all alone with yourself and the window of your spirit is open to God's grace. Then you will be lifted by the word of grace: You are accepted. You are accepted. You are accepted. Yes, you are accepted. That's grace."
I love the posties all over your house idea. I too have been having to remind myself this week of a few truths that can so easily get edged out. And what a blessing for your children to see you standing tall and holding fast to the promises of God! They will grow into mighty oaks because of your faith and your example. I'm SO proud of you. Tea after March Break, right? Love you.
Hi Joy "Best friend of Amy"
I chatted with Amy about you on Sunday and realized that my sister has just moved out of your Uncle Conrad's basement apartment.
She has just purchased what would have been Conrad's parents home (with the pond in the back yard)...WOW talk about a small world!!
Look forward to chatting in person sometime and am praying for you in this season.
Be blessed and know that God loves and adores you and so does Amy!!
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