Am I the only one?

I got inspired when I read my friend Holly's blog, so here goes...

Am I the only one who...

* LOVES the rain... the sound of it on the window, the feel of it on my skin, the smell of the air after it...
* knows every word of every line in Anne of Green Gables and still cries everytime Matthew collapses in the field and holds my breath as Gilbert walks towards Anne at sunset...
* can't listen to "Just give me Jesus" without weeping.
* climbs into my kids bed once they're asleep just so I can smell their hair and kiss their ears...
* finds something about every single day that reminds me of my dearest friend..
* remembers that fluttery feeling in the belly when the boy you love looks at you...
* cranks "High School Musical" songs and dances around the house with her kids... haha!
* savors a great cup of tea, a moment of quiet and a lavender/vanilla candle glowing in the corner...
* can quote Shakespeare and get teary reading Sonnet 116...
* can get lost in worship for hours... playing the piano, singing, listening, basking in the presence of my God...

This was fun! I can't wait to read your comments and posts! :)

A new look...

Well, after a whirlwind weekend (driving from Sarnia to Whitby, Whitby to Belleville, Belleville to Sarnia) in 24 hours, I have Amy's couches! My old couches have left the building (one resides on the front porch - yes, I am one of those people! - and the other is in the garage) and the result is a bigger room, a CLEANER room, and a piece of Amy in my house! :) I'm so excited! Thank you, Amy, for generously giving me your old couches... while they may have seemed old and decrepit to you, they are beautiful to me and they make my home look a little nicer tonight! :)

I love you dearly...

gratitide, gratitude, GRATITUDE!

This week has been a bit of an "I think I can, I think I can..." week and I'm SO over it! I just want to focus on the good stuff and reflect on how GOOD God has been to me through the storm...

- Smart, beautiful children who look past my faults as a mom and love me in spite of myself. I couldn't ask for more than what they are. I love them to bits and pieces! :)
- WONDERFUL friends who allow me to vent, encourage me when I'm down, love me always, fight with me, and pray for me. I NEED my friends and their presence in my life is a constant blessing.
- SUNSHINE! I love spring... I love the snow we had this morning and the way it's melting everywhere... the crisp breeze, pinching my cheeks and making me smile. I love, love, love this time of year. I love the joy in my children's voices as they rollerblade, play basketball and enjoy outside together. I love the mud on my dog's legs and belly... means everything is melting and it's closer and closer to summer!
- Hand-me-downs! My absolute favorite memory is sitting outside my sister's bedroom door, waiting patiently for her "junk" to be bestowed upon me as "treasure"! I love getting other people's things... that being said, I LOVE that I'm getting Amy's old couches! I love that I get to SEE my best friend tomorrow, HUG her, and spend a few hours in her house and then I get to take her couches home and SIT ON THEM! It will be like having a little piece of Amy in my house always and I like that thought! :)
- I am (strangely) grateful for anger. Now, I know how this sounds. I don't like being angry... I hate being angry. BUT... I am grateful that I am able to be angry. I'm not emotionless... I have feelings. I believe in my worth enough to be angry when I feel like an injustice is occuring. This is a GOOD thing! I'm thankful that I believe in myself enough to be angry when something is wrong. God is continually trying to remind me of my value and worth and every once in a while, I feel it and I believe it.
- I'm thankful for my God... who patiently waits with His hands outstretched, ready to take my load. He's not playing tug-o-war with me... He's just there and waiting for me. WAITING for me. Longing to take over and be my strength when I'm weak. Even though I'm still gripping and I can't quite let go, this is overwhelming to me... and His presence is something I can't live without.


Psalm 13:5-6
I've thrown myself headlong into your arms—
I'm celebrating your rescue.
I'm singing at the top of my lungs,
I'm so full of answered prayers.

The little things that break my heart...

Today is a normal day.
Nothing different from yesterday... just today. We had dinner, did homework and got ready for bed. Same thing.
I go into my daughter's room to kiss her, pray with her and love her up a little. I look down at her and her chin is quivering...
I say, "sweets, what's wrong?"
She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath as a tear rolls down her face and says...
"I miss my dad."
I kiss her forehead.
I tell her, "I'm sorry honey. I know you miss him. I miss him too. Daddy loves you very much."
"I know, mama."
Oh my darling girl...
These are the moments that break my heart... the moments where I am left shaking my head wondering how on earth he could be away from her - miss out on the bedtime kisses, the hugs, the tickle fights. Wondering how he could go even a day without hearing her 6 year old voice say "I love you daddy!"
I know I couldn't. Not even for a day.

I expected my heart to break... to keep breaking.
I hate that hers is.

"God, I don't want to hate the man who breaks my daughter's heart. Please... I don't need to understand why, I don't even need him to change, I just need to know that YOU hold her... and that you will love her with your Father's heart. And be with the man who is still a part of our family. Watch over him. Guard his heart. Guide his mind. If you will, bring him home. We love him."